Posts by Jessica Rabbit

263

Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)

by m0nk3y in

i feel the need to express how i feel and felt about my life as a gay man.

i was brought up from birth as a jehovahs witness.

this has played a major part in my life and it has been a real struggle to get past.

Jessica Rabbit

Hi Josh,
I read your story and wanted to let you know how much it made me think. Sometimes we hate because we are taught to hate by our parents and religious leaders. You have opened my eyes to the human side of this. It breaks my heart to know how ill you became over this. It is hard enough being a JW because already we are told we must be seperate from the world, but to have desires in you that you could not deny must have been devastating for you. To be harshly judged by other imperfect humans makes me so angry. I haven't always prayed. When I first left and was df'd I wanted nothing to do with God or the bible. I felt just like you when you said you were just waiting for Jehovah to destroy you at Armageddon. I was partying my butt off saying "at least I'll die happy." I am trying to figure out God now. It is not easy. If Jesus did exist and he did really die to cover all of our sins, then I think the only thing he expects from us is to LOVE. It is an honor to know you.
Love,
JR

32

What In Life Have You Kicked Yourself For?

by minimus in

jw
friends

we all have wished that if we had just one more chance to make a decision and could have changed things, we would have done something differently.

is there anything that you would have changed in your life if only you could?

Jessica Rabbit

I'd like to go back to every person who ever intimidated me and made me believe I was a worthless human being.

First I would go back and learn self defense and maybe learn to believe that I was worth something in order to carry myself well. Then I'd like to back to Jr. high and visit some girls I once knew:

A girl named Gay Simpson who threatened to beat me up everyday while everyone on the bus laughed. Then I would go get all five girls who proceeded to play dodgeball with BASKETBALLS across my face after gym class when no teacher was around and just blow thier brains out.(just kiddin')

Then last but not least, I would love to go up to my ex-sisterinlaw and make her wish she had never been born.(too many reasons to list)

Thanks for asking that question. I feel so much better now.

58

My story (in depth) PHEW!

by Aztec in

i've shared a bit about my experiences but i don't think i ever gone into much detail.

i'm setting this down as an example of what growing up a witness can be like for any lurkers who have doubts or questions.

i was born into a family of witnesses.

Jessica Rabbit

((((((((((((Aztec)))))))))))) I am so glad you are getting better after all of that. How does your Father treat you now? Just curious.

135

On Blaming God...

by AGuest in

may you all have peace!

i find it funny... as in peculiar... that from adam until today... "we"... get our kicks blaming god.

starting with adam, who said, "the woman... that you gave me... she... made me... eat," we have this penchant to look everywhere but in the mirror.

Jessica Rabbit

If you don't believe...fine with me. But I know for a fact that my specific prayers have been answered. Some down to the letter. My question was about blaming God, not "Is there a God". I think you guys stumbled on to the wrong thread. Oh and thanks for all your positive and comforting remarks. With friends like you, who the hell needs enemies. Right?

35

What's your favorite drink?

by logansrun in

jw
friends

god, i've been in a "fluff" mood lately!

so, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage?

mine: raspberry stoli cosmopolitan.

Jessica Rabbit

WHEN I'M OUT, A LONG ISLAND ICED TEA!! WHEN I'M HOME, JIM BEAM AND COKE.

THE OTHER DAY I CONCOCTED SOMETHING I NAMED A "WICKED SHIRLEY TEMPLE"

1 PITCHER OF COUNTRY TIME BERRY SIPPERS OR PINK LEMONADE;ADD 1/2 CUP OF JIM BEAM;1/2 CUP OF TEQUILA GOLD;1/2 CUP AMARRETTO

MAN, I'M THIRSTY

135

On Blaming God...

by AGuest in

may you all have peace!

i find it funny... as in peculiar... that from adam until today... "we"... get our kicks blaming god.

starting with adam, who said, "the woman... that you gave me... she... made me... eat," we have this penchant to look everywhere but in the mirror.

Jessica Rabbit

DJ,

(((((((A Big Hug, back!))))))

You are so right when you said that wasn't really a BAD day. A bad day for me was having to look at the man I married who had slowly transformed into a little boy. Not being able to have a conversation with him anymore. Not knowing if he was hungry for a certain food or if he was in pain. Having to shave him,bathe him,brush his teeth, dress and feed him, not to mention his other personal hygeine needs everyday was what BAD was. I guess my car gets me where I need to go and it is paid for. You really did make me feel better. Thanks DJ.

6 'o 9 - I have NOTHING to say to you.

JR

135

On Blaming God...

by AGuest in

may you all have peace!

i find it funny... as in peculiar... that from adam until today... "we"... get our kicks blaming god.

starting with adam, who said, "the woman... that you gave me... she... made me... eat," we have this penchant to look everywhere but in the mirror.

Jessica Rabbit

May I join in this conversation for a sec? I am going back and forth with "faith" issues and this subject of blaming God is something I am guilty of lately. I realize one of my strongest weaknesses is IMPATIENCE. It's just that I do believe in God and I do know what he is capable of. What I don't understand is why I have to beg him til I'm blue in the face to get any help in my life. For example, I just started a new job. I know for a fact it was his direction for me to take this job. I LOVE IT! It is as if it was custom made just for me. My family and I are constantly struggling with financial issues. We have poor credit and can't get loans for decent vehicles or buy a home. Don't tell me we reap what we sew because of having bad credit either. My credit went to hell when my husband became terminally ill and needed 24 hour care until he passed away. My new husband lost his good credit when he got a divorce and his exwife "took him to the cleaners". What is it God is trying to show me by only giving me a little here and a little there? Does my happiness really matter to him or is he too busy trying to TEACH me something at ALL TIMES just because He wants me to remember my place in all of this. It's not that I think I deserve anything good simply because I try to live a decent life in his eyes. I have never desired to be wealthy. I am a very simple person when it comes to material possessions. I just want to have my dignity and a little class and live COMFORTABLY. Is wanting to be comfortable, wrong? I don't think you have to be rich to have class. The other day I griped at God all the way home because: (picture this in your mind) I just started a new job in a very sophisticated area of town. Every other car is a Jaguar or Porche. Here I am walking out of the building in my business attire and I walk by about 5 people who are standing in the parking lot talking. They watch me get into my beat up car with most of the paint worn off. The muffler is barely hanging on. When I go to open the door the inside panel sticks and pulls loose from the door. When I go to start it up, the belts begin to screech. I was SO HUMILIATED. After I finished "yelling" at him I did stop to thank him for the new job.

I want to feel good about myself as a respectable human being. It is hard to feel confident when you have no money to make things better for yourself. The thing is, I hear people give God credit when they do get nice things. Should I percieve God with the personality Jesus had or is he the same guy who was so jealous and destructive in the Old Testament. Jesus never fit that description that I can recall. Why are such opposite personalities attached to the same God?

JR

13

new life..........

by markemark in

jw
friends

im newly drifted from the j.ws and has any one any ideas how to survive life out side!

as you know we are not allowed worldly friends!

thanx 25 male london uk

Jessica Rabbit

WELCOME MARKEMARK!!!!

You just found a new friend, Me and a bunch of other folks on this board who look forward to visiting with you. The best way to get to know us is to share your story with us and know that when you come here you are accepted as you are, there are no rules for how you are supposed to feel or say things. Just take it slow in social situations. That's what I did. There are a lot of good, decent people in this world.

Love,

Jessica Rabbit

34

I am tired of thinking like a victim....

by Ravyn in

jw
friends

i may have to cut back on my forum reading.

this is getting discouraging.

everyone knows the problem, feels the problem, but very few want to act on the problem.

Jessica Rabbit

Ravyn,

My sentiments exactly. I have no tolerance for whiners because I tend to follow right behind them. I have stopped pulling up any threads that look like negative hopeless topics. I get a kick out of some of these people who want to knock God, but don't give anything better to replace him with. I did run completely away from "sprituality" in the beginning. I guess I could blame it on my JW upbringing, but what difference would it make. It's all about making decisions and it is never too late to change something if you aren't happy. I would love to make a difference where the WTS is concerned. I guess I am like you, I don't have the energy to be a leader. I would be willing to join in a team effort if you have any suggestions though.

JR

12

What big dreams have you accomplished/not accomplished?

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

my dream is finally sitting my lazy ass down and writing like i had dreamed about all my life; novels, screenplays, anything.. also, if you have accomplished, how did you get there?.

if not, what impeded you?.

ash

Jessica Rabbit

This is very personal but I want to share it with all of you because I am just SO DARN PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

For the past 20 years I have been on a dieter's rollercoaster. I was an expert at Atkins dieting.(low carb/high protein) I lost 90 pounds right before I met my second husband. As soon as we were married and ~~stopped honkytonkin~~ settled, I started packing on the pounds again. My heaviest weight was 285 on a 5'7" frame. O.K. I know I am ruining all you guy's mental picture of me because of my alias. Actually the bra size and the hair color are right on the money. (hehe)

Last year I decided that I had gone through enough humiliation with all my struggles of being obese. I knew that I was not supposed to be that way naturally. It NEVER felt right. Even though I knew there were clothing stores for FAT LADIES, I refused to go in them. Talk about denial. Every negative look or comment I would get would cut just like a knife. .

I developed sleep apnea about 3 years ago and it was so severe that the sleep study revealed that I would stop breathing 101 times PER HOUR! The lack of sleep caused my insulin levels to increase which caused my weight to increase even faster. Well, in December of 2002 I had gastric bypass surgery. (like Carnie Wilson and Al Roker) So far I have lost 70 pounds and I have dropped 5 dress sizes. The weight is starting to fall off so fast, I am ecstatic. I can't wait to reach my goal by December. My husband was so good to me through this whole ordeal, but I know he is really glad that I am getting back to the way I looked when we met. Let's face it, looks matter to some degree. I felt so miserable before and dreaded leaving my house. As soon as I can figure out how to send pictures, I would love to post "before" and "afters" for anyone out there who might be interested in the surgery.

Jessica Rabbit